FINDING PEACE
Dear friends,
I just passed a big milestone...my one year anniversary of moving to Chicago!!
One year of being on my own, for technically the first time ever: of doubts and tears, of little victories, of internally searching and checking in….
When people ask me why I moved to Chicago, well, my answer is a little random.
I wanted a change from the things I already knew, but not so much of a cultural change that I felt isolated or out of place. I also wanted to be involved in a dance community that wasn’t New York or Los Angeles or Boston. All of these didn’t feel quite right to me, so after a quick trip to Chicago (upon some friend/teacher recommendations) I decided to live here…
And it’s funny, because it did feel sort of abrupt.
(Even for me.)
To just pack up and go.
I’ve never considered my move a “brave” choice, because I loved the idea of living somewhere new.
No one forced me into the decision, I just made it and that was that.
I gave myself this year to essentially “do whatever”
If I didn’t want to go to ballet class, I didn’t go. Instead I attempted to start listening to my body’s needs and interests, because for the first time in my life I had real freedom to choose how to structure my time. One of the most wonderful and scary things about graduating was being released from a Conservatory school structure of requirements and obligations.
Most of the time, I found myself with little to no motivation to attend class at all. What made me happy instead were my trips to the gym where I could work my body in new ways, improvising in open spaces, playing with my own choreography and collaborating with others.
I still managed to find ways to be pretty hard on myself.
My former school structure was geared towards preparing me for one thing, performance. However, in no way could anyone have prepared me for the abundance of routes that I realized (post-graduation), I have the ability to take as an artist! And so, I think the contrast of how I was actually living as opposed to how I was told I would live was very confusing for me. I know I’m not alone in this.
The most difficult issue I dealt with during my first year post-grad, was not rejection, as I would have expected.
It was deciding what artistic success meant to me.
Moreso, what success means to ME and NOT…
what I internalized success to mean.
what my past definition of success was.
what other people told me was success.
what my friends and family imagined as success for me.
what the public determines dance success as.
I had to ask myself:
“What sort of opportunities or jobs would satisfying to me?”
“What milestones do I wish to reach in the future?”
“What is important to me as a dancer and artist...how do I want to use my body/what work do I want to agree to physicalize or allow to be put on my body?
On the flip side…Do I 100% know and understand what I want now?
Of course not. I’m still figuring it out everyday.
I’m still configuring who the dancer, the artist, the coach, the worker, the friend, the partner, the roommate...”Christina Morrison”, actually is.
Which honestly is quite fun right now. :)
As is tradition in a lot of my posts I’m leaving you with tips of all sorts for my recent grads:
Try to listen to your whole self everyday.Allow for space to grow (clear out the old) and take up new space (you deserve it)Keep celebrating the little victories. (especially helpful on, "those days")Find and/or continue to visit sacred spaces (could be a coffee shop, dance class , outdoor space, etc.)